(…continued from Missed It By That Much)
I ran into the wife of a friend of mine, in a place where and at a time when I often would go as Janie; fortunately I was in guy mode. She happened to mention that she frequents a nearby cafe for lunch that I have often gone to as Janie (though never at lunchtime).
So, I missed being discovered by the skin of my teeth, now what?
Nobody said life as Janie would be dull, right? (…kinda the point… though I can do without this particular kind of excitement.)
Clearly, if she had “caught” me, all my friends would have known in fairly short order. Once a wildfire starts spreading, it is difficult to contain, so it is impossible to know how far the flames would have spread.
By the 6 degrees of separation theory, it is more than a little possible that the news would reach the ears of people I absolutely do not want knowing.
Dealing with my friends would not be optimal, but I would cope. There would be changes, to be sure, but who knows how things come out the other end? People often surprise you.
But certain people don’t – and those are my bigger worry. Again, I’d survive, but I’d much rather not have to go through that.
So, is it worth the chance I am taking to be able to freely walk the streets?
First, let’s better assess the risk. Remember, she called to me from behind; what are the chances that she would have thought it was me if I had been in female clothes? It is easy to recognize a guy you know with long red hair – he presents a distinctive target for one’s eye; but in girl mode, I am just another redhead.
Ah, but she could just as easily have been in front of me. True. But, then I would likely have seen her and taken evasive action or at least walked quickly by. I certainly wouldn’t have responded to her.
And, she would have been left with, at worst, this sneaking suspicion that maybe, “Could that have been him? Nah!!”
Context plays a big part in recognition, so that even in these circumstances, being caught dead-to-rights is unlikely unless I give it away on purpose. No one is going to readily assume something that is opposite to everything they know about you based on a momentary glance.
Of course, seeing me sitting in a cafe, stationary and trapped – that’s a different story…
Obviously, there’s risk – it is not like I didn’t know it before. But, to avoid that risk means staying at home as a girl, or just going out to t-friendly bars that way.
I don’t think that works for me.
To be honest, I often get more pleasure from walking on the street in a sundress and sandals in the summer than going out to a bar. There is a freedom, a release – a normalcy about just being that I love.
Being Janie is not about wearing a costume or a sexual fetish; it is a way of living. That is why I cherish doing everyday things as much as going out on the prowl.
I have been duly chastened, however. And, the thing that has hit home is that playing at this is a dangerous game.
I need to make a decision about where this is leading, and soon, before the worst happens: I end up outed before deciding that I’m better off just being a guy.
I need either to commit to my girl self for the long haul or give it up before I fall into the abyss.