Jump Right In!

Lest it be thought that we party only at night, like vampires, a little vid of my friends doing what they do best in the blazing desert sun.

Our hotel had a great space outside to meet and talk with everyone, and a pool in which and by which to frolic.

Las Vegas provided the sun and the space – we took care of the rest!

Jump right in, it’s the Wildside Pool Party!

 

Party Like You Mean It

OMG, THAT was FUN!

We invaded Share Nightclub last night and took over the VIP section. It took a few minutes for us to get settled in and suss out the club, and then all hell broke loose!

Our little VIP area quickly turned into an exuberant party, everyone dancing with everyone else, bopping up and down to the beat, embracing, laughing, loving each other’s company! IMG_7351a1

There were lap dances, girls dropping clothes and shoes, and a healthy dose of raunchiness that never really crossed into the realm of vulgarity.

I danced my feet off for hours, sweating out the tequila I had consumed all week.

I’d dance with one girl, and then a few others would join us; some more arrived and others left in a revolving door of dance partners… every so often, I’d feel a hand caress my back or even a body close behind me and a hand or two coming around the front of my body; it was all good…

I was free and happy and joyful! Doesn’t get much better than that!

Around 3 a.m. we headed back for the hotel in a state of complete exhaustion. We cleaned ourselves up a bit and then went back to the outdoor courtyard to hang out as the girls filtered back from the club and gathered to wind down from the party.

We all spent hours talking and just hanging out until the sun came up.

Then, it was really time for bed…

Party Bus

What do you get when you cram 30 sexy, dancing, drinking, flirting, partying tgirls into a bus filled with liquor and ice and music?

Well, you get Wildside in a Bottle!

This is Wildside mobile, Wildside concentrate! All you’ve come to love about Wildside in a convenient travel pak!

The bait to lure us onto the bus was the promise of picture-taking opportunities; it is well known that none of us can resist having our photos taken…IMG_7259a1a1

We had stops at the “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign, the Cosmopolitan Hotel and downtown on Fremont Street, where they collected refurbished neon signs from vintage Las Vegas into a museum of sorts.

There were a lot of nice backdrops for pictures in the Cosmopolitan, but it was a pretty nice walk to get to them. And, by the time we made it downtown, few of the girls were willing to undertake another long trek in 5-inch heels. Growing pains – this was the first try at it; we will do better next time.

Anyway, photography, night and neon make for a challenging combination and I, for one, got very few memorable photos, despite taking the effort to actually bring along a tripod and a DSLR.

But, it was never really about the pics anyway. Like everything else we do, it was about the love!

It is an incredible phenomenon, but this group plays so unbelievably well together. There is very little hand-holding but if you put yourself into the mix, everyone is your friend, your playmate, your lunch date, your shopping buddy, your dance partner.

We simply cannot get enough of each other. After the bus returned, a large number of us went to the rooftop of the Rio to dance some more.

IMG_7307a1aUnder the stars and above the twinkling lights of Sin City, my friend Gina and I looked around and in every corner where there was light we could see any number of our group dancing, laughing, hugging, flirting. The combinations are ever-changing, having nothing to do with place of origin or who they hung out with last night or last year.

Gina – who is one of the founders of this event – is understandably overcome with pride and emotion at what Wildside has become. But, here’s the thing: so am I. I think all the girls know how special this group has become and are proud to be part of it.

Wildside Tuesday

The goings on in Las Vegas…

Vegas, Baby!

I’ve told you all  in years past (see here, here, or here for example) about our annual Las Vegas shindig… well, it’s on again, starting today!

I am already in Sin City, but things haven’t gotten underway just yet. Still, no shortage of things to do…

I spent the better part of the day at a ghost town not too far from here that is basically a million great photo ops! Just the perfect place for me!

We took literally hundreds of photos, and if 50 of them are not among the 100 best I’ve ever taken, I’ll eat my hat!

No, check that – I have eaten way too much already – and I have only been here for a couple of days!

IMG_7011a1

My friends are arriving starting today, and the party is about to blast off. For all you kittens that want to follow along in our debauchery and merry-making, check out Twitter under the hashtag #VWS12.

As a Canadian, it is a royal pain for me to use twitter in the U.S. since I either have to find a wifi connection or roll up the truck to Fort Knox to pay for using their cellular network. But for my loyal followers, no effort is too large, right?

Bacon-Stuffed Janie

Well, there goes my diet!

IMG_6868a1I have been in Las Vegas for not even 24 hours, and I have probably consumed more calories than I normally do in a week.IMG_6886a

Instead of a small bowl of granola and yogurt for breakfast today, I started with a Bloody Maria and finished with a giant portion of Sage-fried Chicken and Bacon-Stuffed Waffles with maple syrup.IMG_6874a

But I will say that GF’s “Hand-Hammered Pork Tenderloin Benedict” took the prize for gluttony. The photo doesn’t do it justice; it is 12 inches across if it is an inch!

(As always, click on each photo to enlarge it.)

I So Love Philly

IMGP1190aEvery time we go to Philadelphia, we have a total blast. Mostly shopping and eating and enjoying the historic streets of the city – and oh, yes, the great cocktail bars.IMGP1174a

I am not sure why Philadelphia seems to offer the best selection of peculiarly-themed cocktail bars that take drink-making very seriously and merry-making equally so.IMGP1153a

But, that’s been my experience.

Of course, there is no mystery when it comes to the Philly cheesesteak. Simple food made exceptionally well from fresh ingredients – there is no such thing as Philly cheesesteak anywhere but in Philadelphia.

I just LOVE IT!!

An Utterly Sublime Threesome

Their hands caressed every inch of my body, every nook and cranny – well almost. When they were done with me, I was little more than a hunk of quivering Jell-O; it was as if my bones had turned soft.

This was the best threesome I’ve ever had – and I hope to do it again sometime.IMG_6340a1

For those of you who have never had a “four-handed massage,” I assure you that the experience is exponentially greater than the sum of two plus two.

We are, indeed, talking here of massage, and not euphemistically about anything else. Tsk! Get your minds out of the gutter…

The thing about having two therapists working on you simultaneously is that your whole body is receiving attention at the same time, and you drift into an incredible state of relaxation.

Expensive? Yes. But memorable.

Put it on your bucket list; you won’t regret it.

Winter Fire

Last week I attended Winter Fire, a fetish event put on by Dark Odyssey.

Unlike most of these events, which are a "Look at Me!" kind of thing, Winter Fire is much more about people and their fetishes. One main reason for this is probably the prohibition against any camera use at the event.

The organizers provide creative activities, mixers, etc. at the beginning of the event in order to facilitate meeting new people. The people themselves are quite friendly and open to newcomers, which is quite different from what I have experienced at Fetish Weekend in Montréal, and what I have been told about other major fetish events.

But, what is most remarkable about Winter Fire is the sheer variety of fetish and gender expression that is on display. You can wander through the several dungeons and playrooms available and find flogging, bondage play, domination, submission, fire play, needle play, sex machines, cages, wrestling… the list goes on.

And, the players come in all shapes and sizes, not just in terms of height and weight, but in terms of gender.

In fact, remarkably, in the Sex-o-Rama room – a place where there were comfortable pieces of furniture on which people could have sex – I walked by a round red bed upon which there were five naked people making love – and I could not discern the gender of any one of them!

[And, I must confess, it was a pretty hot scene! Frankly, not something I thought that would appeal to me, but, live and learn!]

There are also courses given on subjects of interest to this group, ranging from practical how-to demonstrations [often hands-on] to spiritual aspects of sexuality to latex clothes-making. Depending on the subject, I didn’t know whether to find some of the demonstrations in the hands-on courses to be uniquely and instructively open or just incredibly vulgar.

I also got a bit of a chuckle out of the attempts of one lecturer to avoid any offense to anyone in this crowd when describing, say, male genitals.

Using any gender-related term required disclaimers for those born as that gender, those born as that gender but not identifying as that gender, those born as the opposite gender but identifying as that gender those born as one gender but not identifying as any gender, those born as one gender but identifying certain physical body parts as not related to that gender or to any gender, etc., etc., etc. You get the picture.

All in all, it was an eye-opening experience for me, but, as is my way, I found it raising more questions about me and my gender, and about unlimited open-mindedness in general.

I guess that’s a good thing… I’ll share any insights in the coming weeks.

Kid in a Candy Store

Black Friday found me on the premises of Charlotte Russe, an American clothier with no peer in Canada.  Their fashions are appealing, and their prices are hard to believe.

I was all over that!IMG_8743a1

I picked up a number of tops at under $4 each, and a collection of sexy mini-skirts at around $6 apiece.  Shoes under $30…  Dresses in the $20 range…

I must confess to having become helplessly overwhelmed by the number of choices I had and the bargains to be found…

I felt like a cat surrounded by lethargic, careless mice and low, slow-flying birds – too many to catch and which one first?

I had to get out of there and gain some perspective…

But, really, such deals are hard to pass up, and all the more when I get to this store but once a year…

Pretty please, Santa, can’t I have everything?

Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing

Travelling sometimes means that it is harder to be in the right clothes at the right time, and the other day was one such time.IMG_8556a

Being at the door of a store full of yummy girly clothes, I just had to go in, even though I was totally in guy mode.

No matter… it seems my shame – at least in this respect – has vanished.  I was picking up items here and there and posing with them in front of public mirrors, and then went so far as to get myself a dressing room and try some stuff on.

Tried on shoes too.

The sales staff never batted an eye…

Cheesecake Photo of Me

Did I say “cheesecake?”  Oopsy!  I meant “cheesesteak!” Winking smile

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Ful-Phillied

Wow!  What a blast we had in Philly!

It is no New York, to be sure, but its small size and high quality IMG_0530aentertainment factor count for a lot. 

We started by dropping in on our old haunt, Jim’s Steaks, for the best damn Philly Cheesesteak there is; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  We’ve been going hours out of our way for a decade to come to this place, so believe us when we tell you a) there is no such thing as Philly Cheesesteak outside of Philadelphia, and b) Jim’s is the best there is.IMG_0553a

Stomach filled, we went shopping.  Sexy dresses, fun jewellery and a huge selection of low-priced shoes beckoned us, and we simply couldn’t resist.

Then came the bar-hopping.  My oh my!

We started right at the top of the heap, at a place called The Farmers’ Cabinet.  I am a cosmopolitan girl, IMG_0557ahaving traveled some and experienced many bars and drunk many drinks…  But this place shot out the lights!  The ambiance was like a forties or thirties vibe with a farmhouse accent, and the drinks were pure alchemy.  Easily the best bar I have been in in at least a decade!

We met a nice fellow there, a cute, outgoing gay guy who was conducting a bar-jumping experiment of his own.  When he mentioned a connection to my home town, I invited him to look us up any time he was there.  He left shortly thereafter; I feared I may have scared him off.  Oopsy!

We proceeded to Good Dog Cafe/Bar, to sample the cheesesteak empanadas, featured on The Food Network’s Diner’s Drive-In’s and Dives.  Not bad, and a welcome fat-antidote to our alcoholic intake.  But, before long weIMG_0545a were off to our next bar: the Franklin Mortgage & Investment Company – a fine place to get a nice return on your investment.  Sophisticated drinks, a speakeasy vibe and yummy munchies were on offer. Plus, we ran into our old friend from The Farmers’ Cabinet – I guess I hadn’t scared him off after all.  We sat for a spell and had a drink and nice conversation.

But dinner was still needed.  That turned out to be Duck Fat Fries with Sly Fox Cheddar Sauce and Beef Shortribs, served with a IMG_0563adrink called the Harvard Girl – the nutritional goodness of all four foodgroups: protein, fat, carbs and alcohol.   This divine combination was to be found at Village Whiskey, and served up with a smile by our friendly bartender, Jon, backed up by an excellent jazz soundtrack.  (And FYI, this was the best-stocked bar we came across the whole night.)

After that, there was nothing left to do but go home and sleep… for a week.

Red Cap Redhead

Picked up a morning coffee at Stumptown Roasters (yet another terrific NYC cafe!) before heading to Penn Station to catch a train to Philadelphia cheesesteaks!IMG_0520a

Oh, yes.  I do follow my stomach Winking smile (unless there are more tantalizing temptations to distract me.)

So, there we are, having boarded the train with our two large valises, when GF gives me “the look.”  Yes, dear, I know…

Suddenly, it is this girl’s duty to heave those suitcases onto the overhead rack – and from the stares that came my way, I was either being perceived as an incredibly able-bodied woman or, well, you know…

Perfect Harmony

I have had more than my share of disappointments trying Thai restaurants in America.  Given that I am a lover of Thai, and that we have been spoiled with great Thai restaurants where I live, more’s the pity.

But all that changed last night in Manhattan, when I found Galanga on 4th Street W. near 6th Avenue.  (Galanga, by the way, is Thai ginger.)IMG_0519a

Finally, Thai food that hasn’t been Americanized!  Finally, a place that doesn’t lump all Asian food onto one menu, as if Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese and Malaysian were all more or less the same.

We started with a Papaya Salad, shredded papaya, red peppers, carrots and onions with a sweet, spicy, garlicky dressing that was perfectly balanced and refreshing.

That was followed by a Shrimp Fat Fried Rice dish that was a shining example of how to do fried rice – a gourmet treat if done right, but crappy fattening fast food if done wrong.  Studded with shrimp and full of flavor, all cooked up at high heat to give the rice just the right texture, it was heavenly.

While we’re up there in the clouds, the Panang Chicken Curry was also divine.  It again adhered to the sacred mantra of balancing Hot, Salty, Sour and Sweet that is a hallmark of great Thai food. 

As an aside, we had brunch at Bobby Flay’s Bar Americain for lunch.  I have been a fan of his cooking for some time, but dinner at Galanga was better and the bill came to less than one-third of the ticket for brunch.

Galanga has earned a roster spot for my next visit to Manhattan.  Totally yum!!

Ok, I Love New York

This past weekend was probably the tenth time I’ve visited the Big Apple.  I have never been a big fan of New York; it was always too intense and aggressive for me.  By contrast, I fell in love with Chicago the very first time I set foot in the place.  But, I am about to relent… the place is starting to grow on me.

There is no denying that New York is a massive ball of energy, of people driven towards their own ends – each a contribution to the Manhattan mosaic of infinite variety of seek and find that goes on here.  There is so much that it is impossible to take it all in as a tourist.  It’s overwhelming.

There is a feeling that you are missing something all the time, that no matter where you are, something significant is going on somewhere else.  The selection of things to visit, see, and do is so enormous that a cursory sampling of these would take at least a couple of weeks, instead of the two days I usually have.IMG_0428a

I am adapting.  I am learning to be content to take in whatever I see and forget about what might have been; that helps.  Part of this calm comes from my promise to self to come back here with more time, and keep doing it until I do get it all.

New York is an amazing feast wherever you go and whatever you see. 

Washington Square at dusk, with quiet jazz wafting in the air was magical.  Bryant Park in the morning, with skaters on the ice and bustling shops all nestled in the midst of Manhattan apartment buildings and stores, was bright and energizing.  Greenwich Village shops were quaint and interesting, cafe’s eclectic and soothing, and oh so hip.

The size, bustle and action of New York allows the smallest and most diverse kinds of shops and bars to flourish; nowhere else could they survive…  a bar in the back of a barber shop, a peanut butter sandwich shop to name two off the top of my head.IMG_0422a

I like intense places, to a point.  Specifically, and metaphorically, things move more efficiently where the slightest gap in traffic invites pedestrians to cross against the light without the slightest interference from the authorities. 

The knock on NY for me has always been that I can actually feel my blood pressure going up when I am here.  There are line-ups everywhere – which I hate – and sometimes the pace just gets to be too much. 

But, I am starting to get it.  There is just so much to see and do that people have to race everywhere all the time.  And, once you get accustomed to the pace here, everywhere else is just, well, kinda, slow.

Lobster Dinner

Where I come from, having lobster is a pretty special affair, and is therefore to be eaten in finery – tuxedos, gowns, cocktails dresses and  such.  More to the point, one wants to be dressed in clothing that costs more than the weighty number at the bottom of the bill that arrives once we’re done wiping the melted butter away from our lips.IMG_4489a

But, where lobster comes from, both the food bill and the luxury factor are much diminished.  And, as is often the case with food, the less it costs, the better it is.  If you doubt my word, ask yourself whether or not an in-season tomato, locally grown, is not cheaper and infinitely more wonderful than the pricey winter tomatoes flown in from southerly climes.

So here, without guilt, on an ordinary Monday night, we found ourselves at the Lobster Pot, staring at a bright orange-shelled dinner (and it staring back at us – never get used to that).

Fresh, succulent and simple; just the way the best foods are.  And, a price that goes down just as easy, allowing a return visit later this week.

Just another fringe benefit of coming to the T-Party that is Fantasia.

Fantasia

Hi everyone!  Today, I find myself in lovely Provincetown, Massachusetts, quaint – cute as a button – seaside village, on a sunny, gorgeous day. 

PTown is the site of Fantasia Fair, the longest running of the many tgirl conferences in the U.S.  It was here that I came, back in my very early days as a tgirl, to find my feet as it were, and it was a judicious decision if there ever was one.Picture0423

There is no place I have ever been where it is easier to be a crossdresser or tgirl of any stripe.  We pretty much have the run of the town – and we are EVERYWHERE!

It is said that the hardest place in the world to “pass” is PTown during Fantasia – as everyone in town is presumed to be T; that is the extent to which we are ubiquitous.  We are totally accepted, and any girl, from the rank beginner on up, can feel comfortable walking the streets.  You are so likely to be taken as trans that it is neither a reflection on your “passability” nor a concern at all.  (Many GGs are mistaken for tgirls too.)

It is the perfect place to come and feel what it might be like if your home town were ever to embrace you unreservedly.  You can walk around freely, go to the market or the store, or out for dinner – all the things you’ve dreamed of if you’ve wanted to go out but never found the nerve.

It is a true and palpable fantasy – so much so that the organizers of this event have seen it necessary to remind new girls that the ecstasy of acceptance they feel here will not likely be found when they get home.  They call it the Pink Fog (though, I believe, Purple is the more appropriate color).

If you are feeling stuck inside at home, constrained by the four walls of your existence, be sure to punch your ticket for next year’s Fantasia Fair.  Or, hop in your car or on the plane right now and come down for the rest of the week!  The organizers here know and understand every worry, fear, hesitation or hangup you may have and will find a way to accommodate you.

So, jump in – the water’s fine!!

Plane Truth

So, I did it.  I did just what I said I was going to do, and didn’t have the slightest problem.  I wore my girl clothes under some male clothes and changed on the plane. (See All Aboard – Except the TGirl)IMG_3435a Plane Jane

I am not playing games here.  Though it may seem trivial to Transport Canada, I am not doing this for a lark.

Of necessity, I lead a double life; my girl and guy lives are entirely separate.  I was meeting a friend on the other end who knows only Janie, and Janie is who I must be when I get off the plane.

Looking back on the boarding process, I suspect that I could probably have worn a dress and a bow in my hair to the boarding gate and gotten away with it.

The agents there have so many passengers to go through, and if they are even managing to compare the name on the ID to the boarding pass, I would be surprised.

Making an assessment of gender is not likely within their frame of consciousness.

Still, I am not going to risk all the trouble it might bring to challenge the rules. 

The rule is wrong, no doubt.  But I suspect one doesn’t realize how precious unfettered access to air transportation is until one gets one’s name on a “list.”

And, I don’t want to find out.

All Aboard–Except the TGirl

Having flown without incident as a girl on a number of occasions in the U.S., I was quite taken aback to read that in Canada – a country most people would regard as more progressive – the law requires airlines to deny boarding to anyone who “does not appear to be of the gender indicated on the identification he or she presents.” (Aeronautics Act of Canada Section 5.2(1)(b).)

My experiences in America have been nothing but pleasant. I have sung the praises, on these very pages, of both border agents and security personnel, who have gone out of their way to be accommodating and pleasant.IMG_3448aAir Traveling Again

It never occurred to me that my own country, which has legalized same-sex marriage, gives much greater recognition to common-law spouses, and often even pays for sex-change surgery, would have enacted such a dubious rule in the name of passenger safety.

Either I look like the person in my photo – and can prove my gender if necessary to confirm – or I don’t.

Whether I wear a dress or nail polish or heels should have no bearing on it.

I had intended on wearing a skirt and heels with a slinky tank top on my upcoming flight.

And, I am still going to… except for the heels. 

However, to comply with the regulation, I will now gather the skirt into a baggy pair of chinos, wear a loose-fitting polo shirt over my tank-top, and don a pair of running shoes.

By the time my bottom has touched down on my assigned seat in the cabin, the chinos and polo shirt will be in the overhead bin, along with my running shoes, and I will have extracted my heels and makeup kit from my carry-on.

It may cause a few wide-eyed stares from my fellow passengers, but I’m flying as a girl even if I can’t board that way.

I fail to see how security is enhanced by making me jump through these hoops to fly in my chosen gender. 

Perhaps it is directed at the man who, not convincingly and for nefarious purposes, dresses up as a woman and presents female ID.  But fake ID is fake ID, whether gender is at issue or not. 

I don’t know – maybe it makes it easier for the people at the gate to process passengers more quickly. 

I don’t know…  The U.S. seems to manage alright without singling out trans people.  So should Canada.

Mad Mad World

Has common sense gone out the window?  Have people no sense of decorum, or consideration for others?

I could do no better than to shake my head in disappointment and shame after reading a story published by SF Weekly late last month.  It concerned the denial of boarding privileges to a black football player who was wearing sagging baggy pants that exposed his underwear, while, in a separate incident, allowing a white man in his 60s to board wearing only a bra and panties. (Click here for the original story.)

This whole episode offends me on so many levels.  First, there is the young man, who, rather than being embarrassed, obviously refused a request to pull his pants up, as if it was his constitutional right to gross out the other passengers who were sitting in close quarters with him.  I hope he at least had enough self-respect to wear clean underwear.

Then, there’s the crossdresser, whose conduct evidences a complete lack of respect for himself, for others, and for the trans community. (Do click on his photo below to see this pillar of society in all his glory.  He looks so proud of himself.  I’d like to slap that self-satisfied grin right off his face.)  Was it a lark?  a dare?  What planet did he fall off of?  Has he seen people walking the street that way?  I can’t say it plainer than this: you don’t walk around in your underwear in polite society, whether you are a crossdresser or not.  ap_passenger_scantily_dressed_jp_110622_wg

For all of us who want to be taken seriously, as real people living real lives and wanting the same rights as everyone else, this guy is a selfish fool who has hurt us all.  The public sees another headline-grabbing memorable image of what a CD is.  Parents will cringe at the idea that he might have sat beside their child. 

They also see that the airline let him fly when no genetic woman would have been allowed to board that way.  That will reinforce the idea that special-interests get special treatment, and that we are being given too much as it is. 

I don’t know why they let him on board, but I am worried that I will have a lot more trouble the next time I fly.  Because of him.

No doubt, the lawyers are getting involved… I wouldn’t be surprised if, in either or both cases, these folks were just hoping to be confronted so that they would have a right to sue under some civil rights law.  It is a no-win situation for businesses and reasonable people.

Finally, I note the poor choice of headline from SF Weekly:  “Crossdressing Man Allowed on US Airways Flight.”  When I first read it, I thought, “Why is this a headline; are CDs not supposed to be allowed to fly or something?”  Perhaps people from other walks of life may take note in a different way, asking, “OMG, they’re now letting CDs fly! Ew!”

All we need is a little common sense here, people.  Sadly, it seems to be in terribly short supply.

Janie Craves…

On our drive to San Diego last month, we stopped off to visit a friend at his home.

We know him as a nice, funny and handsome guy who has a passion for life and plenty of laughter.  He occasionally dresses up, but with his booming deep bass voice and broad 6’4” frame, he has a hard time passing as a girl.IMG_1982a

He was a consummate host, taking us for a lovely walk along the beach, showing us around his home, and going out for dinner with us to a terrific restaurant.

We topped the evening off with one of my favorite things in the whole world – a campfire on the beach – and marshmallows for roasting too! 

Goodness, me!  How romantic and awe-inspiring… fire and ocean… the crackling flame and the surf’s roar…  taking off my shoes and feeling the soft sand on my feet… so sensuous…  Add a sweetheart of a guy and exactly how does life get any better?

Ah… but all good things must come to an end, and we had to get going to San Diego.

I don’t think I am being presumptuous to infer that he probably would have preferred if we had spent the night.  IMG_1980a1

However, I am allergic to most everything in his home, and so it was simply not even a consideration.  I spent a decade of my life not being able to breathe, and I’m not going back there again!

But, as we drove away, I felt a sense of disappointment that we had to leave him.  I’d like to know him better and figure him out more.  Also, I worry that he sometimes doesn’t take as good care of himself as I wish he would.  (Oops, am I starting to sound like a doting girlfriend?)

I had a wonderful time.  Love ya, babe!

The Advantages of Being T

Today was travel day, and I decided to wear a flirty, flouncy sundress and high-heeled sandals.  I wanted to feel as feminine as possible before I return to the drudgery of life tomorrow.

Kudos once again to the security people for not even flinching as they perused my passport.

And, thanks to the security officer who smiled at me and complimented my dress.IMGP1144a

Flying home on Southwest, we boarded early and took up the aisle and window seats of Row 6 leaving the center seat empty and hoping no one would take it.

Ok, who’s gonna sit beside the tranny?  I started hoping I was having a bad day so that everyone would notice what I was and walk on by…

The parade of passengers boarding after us seemed endless, and the stewardess announced that every seat on the plane was taken, so start filling up those middle seats.

Well, if every available seat was taken, they don’t count empty seats next to trannies as available.  Cuz, here we are at 30,000 feet and no one is sitting next to me.

And, that’s just fine with me.

A Good Night

Staying at the Hard Rock Hotel, we just had to check out the incredible vibe and energy coming from the club in the lobby.

Unfortunately, it was 1 a.m. and they weren’t letting anyone else in.

As we stood there, forlorn and forsaken outside the velvet rope, Prince Charmin’ rode to the rescue.IMG_2048a1

He came up to me and stood in real close, looked me in the eyes and said, “I am so taking you upstairs with me tonight.”

“Um, no you’re not,” I replied, just loving this…

“Why not?”

“Cuz I don’t know you.”

He looked over at GF, who was smiling.  “Your friend says yes,” he pronounced.

“You misunderstand her,”  I said.  “Honey, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

“C’mon then…”

“I don’t think so, but thanks so much for the offer, really.”  I skipped off on a cloud, smiling all the way.

Sunbathing

As anyone who has been following me knows, I am white – maybe ghostly so.  I have always been relatively pale, but having to stay out of the sun in order to do my laser hair removal treatments has turned me almost porcelain.

Funny thing is that I am now liking that look.

However, I have missed being able to go outside and not have to hide from the sun, so I slathered on some sunscreen and went out by the pool.

There is something very comforting and warming about the feeling of the sun’s rays on naked skin.IMG_1307a

Here’s the evidence:

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Elvis by Cirque

We love Elvis, and we love Cirque de Soleil.  So, an Elvis show by Cirque… gotta go, right?IMG_1391a

So, here’s my review.  The show, a meeting of two great franchises – Elvis and Cirque – is not so much Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup as it is, “You got your chocolate on my pickle.”IMG_1412a

Nothing was gained by marrying the two.  One distracted from the other.  Great acrobatics, but do I watch them or the terrific film montage of Elvis?  Great singer, but Elvis did it better.

A shame really.  The best part of the show was right at the end, when they showed Vegas Elvis on film handing out his scarves to crazy fans at the foot of the stage as red satin scarves rained down from the ceiling on the real-life audience, giving us all souvenirs to take home.

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On the Air from Wildside Central

What do you do when you have 50 sexy, exhibitionist and sociable t-girls gathered in a room in latex and other fetishwear, and in the mood for a party?IMG_2286 (1)a

Why, you broadcast the whole thing on the internet, that’s what!

Seems people were actually interested too, if viewership is any indication!

We do love showing off when we get together in La Vegas.  We show off to each other, then to the City of Las Vegas, and when that’s not enough… the world-wide web!

We do have great fun!

And, it is so gratifying to walk around town and have people constantly stopping us and asking to have their picture taken with us.IMG_2266 (1)a

I know it turns us into a bit of a sideshow, but heck, this is Vegas, for goodness sake!

We all go there to let loose and have a blast.  We can be conservative and just regular folk when we go home.

A nice, large dose of ego-stroking and affirmation is good for the soul, believe me!

Vegas Vixens

This is what passes for a low-key meet-and-greet dinner at a Chinese restaurant, Wildside-style.  Ya think anyone noticed us?

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BTW, much to my surprise, I got more compliments on this outfit than any other I wore the whole week.

The Hardest Part is Saying Goodbye

Minutes after leaving my Wildside friends, I felt strangely alone. IMGP0969a

I realized you can’t get very far before you come to understand that the energy and love of the group lifts us all and makes us better, and that the thing I will miss the most – already do! – is being connected to everyone. IMG_1156a

Sure, the internet helps, but it is not the same as being there with each other. Waking up every day in the midst of friends is so comforting and supportive, and it is sad to realize that it will be so long before I can do that again.

It sure was fun!  But in the end, this trip is about the love.

Fetish, Wildside Style

Lather, rinse, repeat…

There I was relaxing by the pool, when a couple of friends joined me…

…one conquered bottle of tequila later, it was time to get ready for the Fetish Party.IMG_1033a1

There are some real fetish girls in the group, but the Wildside Fetish Party is nothing so hardcore.  It is just the same bunch of wonderful gals as the previous night, dressed in latex, leather, corsets and such, coming together for another fabulous get-together of sharing stories and feelings, flirting, touching, camming, dancing, joking…IMG_0943a

It was a really nice party, following which a few of us spent the wee hours of the morning traipsing around the Canal Shops at the Venetian Hotel and Casino, taking some special photos.

We were quite the attraction – my friends more so than me, believe me – and stranger after stranger came up to us asking if they could have their picture taken with us, which we happily obliged.IMG_1066a

By 5 a.m. we had snapped a hundred photos and were feeling pretty good about ourselves and all the attention we were getting.

But we were about to be brought down a peg.

Being a bit hungry, we stopped off for a burger and shake.  Walking back to the hotel from there, we passed a drunken fool who gets credit for the comment of the night – a comment that we found as funny as it was assinine:

“Oh geez! From a distance, I thought you all were hot.  I hope you take that as a compliment.”

How could we not?

Wild Wildside!

Hooboy!  That first party was a doozy!IMG_0732a

Picture 50 sexy, wild, exhibitionist t-girls who just love each other’s company, in skimpy lingerie, in a hotel suite with booze flowing and two live webcams broadcasting, and twenty cameras taking pictures.IMG_0895a

That is Lingerie Night, Wildside style!

It is hard to describe the phenomenon that is Wildside.  There is so much love, so much laughter, so much fun and sexiness!  The friendships in this group are like the ones you made back in high school; most of us don’t see each other all year long, but when we finally get back together, we pick up just as if we never left each other.IMG_0788a

There are a bunch of new girls this year, or at least they were new, yesterday.  Now, they are as much a part of the group as everyone else.

I went to bed at 4 a.m., leaving a bunch of girls still partying.  I rolled out of bed late this morning, did a bit of shopping and then parked my sexy ass at the pool, in the soft breeze, to recharge before tonight’s second big-time party.

See ya, tequila!

Being Different Comes in Many Flavors

According to a local paper, many of the attendees at the Rockabilly Festival enjoy the freedom the group gives them to express their individuality in musical and fashion terms.  They do not follow what is considered mainstream or popular and go their own way.IMG_0559a

People at these events wear vintage fashions, or modern spins on those, along with two-tone shoes or colorful brogues.  The men slick their hair back while the women have their hair intricately styled into 40s dos, often in jet black, platinum blond or bright red.  Many are heavily tattooed.IMG_0627a

The newspaper quoted one person saying how she loved coming to this event because, at least for one weekend a year, she can dress as she likes and not feel like an outcast.

Sound familiar?

Him Again!

Sometimes, feelings hit you by surprise.

Case in point, I am here in Las Vegas, having spent the past four days in boy mode with GF at a Rockabilly convention.  What a fabulous event it was, demonstrating that the 60-year old spirit of 1950s rock and roll, rhythm and blues and country hillbilly music is alive and well and that the next generation will keep the faith in impressive numbers and with ample exuberance.

Everyone was dolled up impressively in vintage fashions, with a certain modern edge for the younger set, the old and beautiful cars were on display, and The Killer himself – Jerry Lee Lewis – rocked the stage in impressive form.

In this environment, GF has (correctly) ordained that it is appropriate that we go as boy and girl – and I play the part of boy, cuz she’s no good at it.  Her soft voice, ample bust and very curvy hips make it pretty much impossible for her, but that’s a subject for another time.

So, here I am now, after a few days of floating on the very best kind of energy I know, and very much looking forward to the massive influx of my tranny friends tomorrow morning and beyond, and I feel…

…well…IMG_0692a

…like a guy. 

I bought a bunch of very cool guy clothes today – I don’t often buy guy clothes any more but vintage stuff is just so cool and fits me much better than anything made in the past 20 years – and I haven’t really thought or felt girl for some time!  For the most part, I have been lamenting my inability to better look the part of a 50s hipster because of my long hair.

As I was putting away my boy clothes this evening, GF looked at me with a bit of sadness on her face – sad to say goodbye to her guy, with whom she got to spend a solid four days for the first time in ages – and, to my surprise, I kinda felt the same way.

It is time to shift gears, even if the clutch is stuck.  I’ll have time to think about what this all means when I get home, but starting tomorrow is a week I don’t want to miss.  My spirit will catch up in no time flat, I expect.

Topless

A few of the girls coming to our Las Vegas fete are hell-bent on invading a topless swimming pool at one of the other hotels.

One is tempted to the reaction that this was much ado about nothing… to state it bluntly: take the top off a bikini-wearing crossdresser, and you have a man in a speedo!

Ok, ok, that’s not exactly right, I know.  With wigs and makeup, it would certainly have a different flavor, and those of the girls who are on hormones or who have implants would obviously have a completely different experience.

But, it struck me how, in a way, it is all coming full circle… to go through all these changes only to end up doing something we could have done any time without a second thought as guys, and making a big deal about it.IMG_3082a

Upon reflection, though, that’s really the whole point, isn’t it?

I mean, so much of a person’s sexuality is between their ears.  Here is a perfect example of an activity that has completely changed simply due to how we think of ourselves and our bodies.  The act is the same, but it sure doesn’t feel that way!

And, it doesn’t matter whether you’re in transition or not.  All that matters is that you feel yourself to be a woman.

As someone not on hormones and without implants (topless, profoundly Winking smile), I can tell you that even I have come to feel much differently about my breasts (which are unchanged since before I first became Janie).  I do not casually expose them, I do not walk around without a shirt, and I instinctively cover them up.

So, as it happens, going to a topless pool would indeed be a titillating (sorry, but you knew I had to go there Open-mouthed smile) experience for me.

Goll, darn!

Here’s to Airport Screeners

Traveling to Las Vegas, I opted out of the scary big machine scanner thingy, and took the pat-down instead.

The guy quickly radioed, “Female assist needed,” and within a few seconds, a female screener appeared.

The airport security authority has clearly bent over backwards to accommodate the most sexually sensitive people out there, from providing a same-sex screener for the pat-down, to instituting procedures requiring them to describe exactly how they are going to touch each part of your body.IMGP0871a

As I stood there, with an undoubtedly bemused look on my face as she explained that she was going to use the back of her hand to pat down my ass and my breast area, and the front of her hand on the inside of my leg or arm, or whatever, I found it all just too much.

I am very glad for all the efforts that have been made to ensure that travelers are not discriminated against in any way, but the level of “sensitivity” shown struck me as having descended to the ridiculous.

My personal perspective aside, what about the screeners themselves?

We often concern ourselves with people accommodating themselves to our needs, but think of the woman who had to do my pat-down.

As up close and personal as we were, I am clearly not female…  I mean, she ran her hand right up the inside of my thigh until she hit something.  If she were permitted to be as sensitive about touching/being touched by the opposite sex as we allow passengers to be – and why shouldn’t she be? – then we’d be at a stalemate.  This is an instance (among many others) when indulging everyone to the max is just not possible – and not the first where it is a trans person who throws the biggest wrench in the works.

I am thankful for her indulgence and her consideration of my feelings, but I feel bad at having had mine placed as a priority above hers, even if it was done entirely without my approval or need. 

A pat-down should not be a sexual experience, and as long the screening is conducted in a professional manner, as it was by all the screeners I observed, it shouldn’t matter the gender of the screener or the passenger.

Just my thoughts.

Hey Baby, Let’s Go to Vegas!

The annual Sin City Soirée is coming up in just a few days… so exciting!

For those of you who haven’t been with me for that long, I have been going to an annual t-girl week in Las Vegas for a few years now, and find it to be a celebration of all that’s great about being T!IMG_4230a

Every year, a totally accepting, fun, enthusiastic, happy group of girls gathers in Las Vegas to make friends, lounge by the pool, go out dancing at night, and just have a sublimely exhausting week of merriment.DSCN0431a

We go everywhere and anywhere, and don’t mind turning a few heads while we’re at it.

We welcome new girls every year, and accept them as family from Day One.  I am no social butterfly, but I can tell you that I have never felt so at ease, so welcomed and instantly accepted and loved by strangers as I did the day I met these girls.4559988320_483eb57db6_ba

The girls run the gamut from passable to not, from crossdresser to transitioning, from those who spend the whole week as girls to those who hang out with us in boy mode from time to time, and from the four corners of the globe, and there is no attitude, no ego, no judging and no expectations.IMG_6295a

So many girls have simply bloomed like a flower as a result of exposure to this group’s energy.

We all show up, participate as much or as little as we want – and have a blast!  We talk, we make real friends… and we stay in touch all year long… until we get to do it again!

Nice Idea, But Will It Fly?

A new Thai regional airline is recruiting transgender people for its cabin staff positions.

Nice as it is, this news would be more significant if it were being done by a successful and experienced airline.IMG_3548a

The reality is that this is a new startup, founded by fortune-teller Piyo Chantraporn, 47, who said he had a "sixth-sense" insight which spurred him to launch the airline. He and realty businessman Chatrawiwat Klumkomol raised 200 million baht to set up the venture.

They have already hired some staff, including Miss Tiffany Universe 2007, who is best known as a model and soap opera actress and goes by the name "Nong Film".

The government agency responsible for airline safety has no objection to transgender cabin crew – which is not insignificant news. 

The airline will provide charter service out of Bangkok, and I wish them all the “good fortune” in the world.

For more details, see http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/local/218188/new-thai-airline-dares-to-be-different

Girl is as Girl Does

Chicagoans see me as a girl, it seems.

I have yet to break out my girl clothes or makeup, I haven’t taken a razor to my faceIMG_8403b1 in almost a week, and yet I have been treated almost exclusively as female, whether in a restaurant, or trying on clothes in a department store, or on the street.

…and that suits me just fine!

Though I had no problem looking through the clothes in the women’s section of a certain department store, I really didn’t have the nerve to ask to be let into the women’s change rooms in my then state of appearance.  But the sales clerk who came by offering assistance referred to me as ma’am, so I thought I’d give it a shot. 

Obviously, people take a large part of their cue from the length of one’s hair, and the fact that my face is pretty much clear of any hair.

…that and the fact that I am trying on jewellery or skirts…

Seems that girl is as girl does.

As hard as it is to believe, it looks like if you behave as a girl, most people will assume you are one.

Thing is, I haven’t been trying to act female at all, and still, even in neutral contexts like restaurants I am still assumed to be female.

It has happened in front of my sister, which causes nothing more than a bit of teasing. It has happened in front of my GF, which is no problem. Not sure how comfy it’ll be when it happens in front of Mom or Dad or my buddies.IMG_8406a1

I’ll fall off that bridge when I get to it.

Meanwhile, I look at these episodes as an opportunity to make clear in front of those I might one day come out to that I am fine with being perceived as female. I am admitting nothing, but putting the concept into their consciousness nevertheless.

That said, today “stealth Janie” can take a break; the real thing is coming out to play.

Corset, Collar, Fishnets and Patent Platform Heels

Photo Gallery (6 photos):  Four staples of the fetish wardrobe come together in my little outfit… (click on the photos for much larger versions)

2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 032a2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 029a

I bought the corset last year from a vendor at Southern Comfort (www.timeless-trends.com), the red bra is Victoria Secret (www.victoriasecret.com) and the collar from an independent designer.  (The red bra matches the corset so well that I thought about wearing it out, instead of covering it with the the top of the dress… maybe next time ;) )

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The furry black strapless mini-dress and matching hat are vintage, and just as well-suited to a fancy cocktail party (as long as no bra-straps are left showing ;) and, I dare say, with different shoes…

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The happy face below is brought to you by Fetish Weekend in Montreal.  Next year is already in the works.

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Big Easy

After a handful of days in Montreal, it suddenly dawned on me that I don’t have to go all the way to San Diego for a place to be free and easy and Janie. Middle of the Road

The realization came to me as I was walking down the street looking for a cafe for our Labor Day morning coffee and breakfast.  I’m out and about, wearing scarcely any makeup, in jeans and a t-shirt, and I am as comfortable as can be.  No one looks at me strangely; no one bothers me.  I am treated with respect and courtesy… 

…and it’s such an easy feeling that I hardly noticed!

I didn’t really care this morning whether I went out as boy or girl, but decided on girl because I had a more comfortable outfit at hand.Pizza at 3AM

And, that’s the crux – whichever – didn’t matter.

This got me thinking about the weekend…

Whether it was getting pizza at 3:00am wearing a fur-trimmed PVC leotard and thigh-high boots, walking the downtown streets in a bright red latex dress and 5-inch heels or strolling down rue St. Denis in jeans and a t-Escalating shirt, I was completely at ease, and felt totally welcome and accepted.

People addressed me in the feminine, even when they knew otherwise, gentlemen stopped on the street to offer directions when I was looking at a map… it was all so normal!

Bravo, Montreal!

Red Latex Outfit – Pictorial

 

I just loved my new outfit.  It clings like a second skin and stretches with your movement, so it is surprisingly comfortable. 

…and, it’s hot! er.. I mean, sexy!

Sasha and MeWalkin' Down the hallway

 

 

 

 

 

TaDa  Posing at Credenza

Selected Photos from Latextacy

Just some piccies of me…

I had fun playing with this suspended metal ring:

Showing Off

A lovely gal was enjoying my posing and decided to help out:

A Little Raunchy Play

One final shot on the ring:

Standing on the Ring

…and then off for pizza (no one seems to notice me at all… Is a tranny, fully decked out in PVC and thigh-high boots such a regular sight for them?)

Pizza at 3AM

Night of the Masks

The Sunday night party was yet another step up on the intensity scale, and the last chance for everyone to show off!

This night, unlike the others, there was virtually no picture-taking except by the venue organizers. 

E.P.T.

Instead, there was an event during the afternoon – something they called the “Exhibitionist Photo Tour.”  The idea was to go by subway and on foot around town and create a commotion and take some interesting pictures. 2010-09-03 Montreal Fetish Weekend 073a

Unfortunately, I was 5 minutes late and they had left and they were nowhere to be seen by that time, and they left no clue as to where they were going.

That’s bizarre.

Anyway, there were a few other stragglers, equally perplexed, so we decided to do our own little event and hopped in a cab and went downtown, walked around, went into the subway stations – all the while hoping to find the larger group, but to no avail.

Masquerade Ball

The nighttime party was an chance for me to renew acquaintances with some people I had met during the weekend, and to meet up with some older friends, and at least one online friend with whom a meeting never seemed to come off until now.

After traipsing around town in the afternoon, on top of the other weekend events, my feet pretty much gave out.  Wearing 5-inch stilettos and walking long distances was probably not the wisest thing to attempt, but if I were wise, would I be doing any of this?  IMG_8001a

At least I had the pleasure of having a dom tie me up and of walking around in a totally helpless state among several hundred or more strangers.  That was new and exciting for me, and I loved it!

Then, having kicked my heels off and settled in on a bench in the middle of the action, I got two separate foot massages, neither with altogether saintly intentions ;)

Around 4 o’clock in the morning, we decided to call it a night and hobbled off to our room, warmed by the experience of having witnessed a fabulous spectacle, connected with new and old friends, and shared a wonderful time with a great crowd.  We’ve been initiated into the fetish lifestyle, and like my friend said… they’re such nice people, who get along so well, it’s a pleasure to be in their company.IMG_7999a

Stranger than Thou

The truth is, what seems to me to be different about this group (as compared to mainstream society)– is that we all recognize that we are all strange in our own way, so who’s to judge someone else? 

Want to spend a night in a coffin?  Want to wear a diaper?  Lick a stranger’s feet?  Pretend you’re a dog?  Spend the night blindfolded or covered from head to toe in latex? Get electrocuted? 

Why not?  If it makes you happy and harms no one, then why not?  But of course, if you want that mindset applied to you, you must return the favor, right?

There’s lots I just don’t get – and some things I find a bit revolting, to tell the truth – not so much in the sense of begrudging some people their particular fetish, but in wondering what accepting such behavior says about me…

Ah, but that’s a long topic for another time.

Latextacy

I have never owned a piece of latex clothing before this weekend.  PVC, leather sure, but latex always seemed one step too far… and a darned sight more expensive too.IMG_8007a

Well, I figured that if I was going to spend the cash to come all the way here, to Montreal, to the Fetish Weekend, that it was time to invest in a fabulous latex outfit.

And, that’s just what I did.

There is something about the way the fabric becomes like a second skin… and the way it shines…

While I was at it, I figured might as well go red, just to make sure I get noticed…

The Latextacy Ball

That said, I checked my wardrobe and realized that my new latex outfit would have to wait one more night; if I wore it tonight, I’d have nothing to wear to the Vampires Masquerade Ball and Play Party.

So, horrors!  I would be wearing PVC to the Latextacy Ball!

The party was a step up in intensity from Friday night’s affair, and there were more play stations and kinkiness all around.

Most of this stuff is not my scene, so I just marvelled at the costumes and took my fun where I could find it…

… like this metal ring I got to play with…2010-09-03 Montreal Fetish Weekend 051a

  2010-09-03 Montreal Fetish Weekend 056a Beyond that, you could watch – or participate if you dared – in various torture stations, involving flogging, medical play, confinement to coffins, or other horrors – or just watch the show on stage, which demonstrated suspension bondage and electrocution with a violet wand and some other dark implement.

I actually found the whole spectacle quite interesting.  Still, when faced with the idea of going to the After-Party around 3am, I realized that I had just about run of out gas, and went for pizza instead.

Star-Krossed (or maybe not) Kinky Kabaret

This weekend seems not to be one of those things that karma is smiling upon – in fact it seems a tad star-crossed.

I was so distracted and out of sorts on the day of our departure that instead of leaving in the morning, we started out in the middle of the afternoon rush hour.

After making our way through the predictably bad rush hour traffic, we stopped for gas and some onboard food supplies.  Turns out, there was a small gash in the sidewall of one of our tires, which made me a bit nervous.  So, we had to find a garage to look at the tire. 2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 031a

Long story short, the tire ended up being ok, and off we went.

Then we got to our hotel and they gave us a skanky room, which we had to change, and then there was no place to park the car.

The weather was utterly gross Friday, very hot and humid.  Not great weather for my planned outfit for the Kabaret Kink Ball of a fur-trimmed dress with corset and fur hat, huh?  (Damn weather-people said it would cool off!)

Shopping

We were on our way to a sex shop to look for a latex outfit when we got some good luck for a change.  We happened upon a sidewalk sale, where I found a bunch of  fetish clothes pieces for about $10 a piece!  Incredible! 2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 039a

Our bad fortune resumed at the sex shop when I was trying on some tight pants… Unbelievably, I got myself caught in the zipper!

Yes, there!

Oh! My! God!  No joke!  (I guess the damn thing is just too big that it keeps getting in the way…)

Oh, and if there was ever any emerging question as to whether I might be becoming less attached to the little guy, forget that!

Anyhow, I am not accustomed to doing such incredibly stupid things!  Wow!

And, I swear I don’t know why I tell the world these things!

We took a break to recover, and eat, and then went back for a much more successful shopping experience.  2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 075a

Bottom line, I found a spectacular latex outfit, which will come out at Saturday’s Latextacy Ball.

Having a Ball

The Kabaret Kink Ball was a spectacular affair!  We were treated to an amazing assortment of creatively kinky outfits, modeled on the stage of the beautiful Olympia Theatre, followed by an after-party where you could dance and play in a room fitted with flogging stations and such. 

There were breathtakingly beautiful people everywhere you looked, in unbelievable outfits and impossibly high heels!  2010-09-01 Montreal Fetish Weekend 063a1

I even got to meet one of the people I have admired online for some time – Tara Emory – who was in the Fashion Show, as were her fashions, and whose line of custom fetish couture, called Sadie Masokissed (www.sadiemasokissed.com), is second to none!  What a sweetie!

2010-09-01 Montreal  Fetish Weekend 092aWe went back to our room last night around 4:00am and woke up this morning to another dark cloud: police tape and cruisers right at the edge of our hotel… and the news that someone had been shot and killed at 4:30am on the same block!  OMG!

I wonder what’s next?

Kicking the Bucket-List

Ever since I returned home from a recent driving trip, I have been out of sorts.  I have fallen into one of those periods of malaise that affects many crossdressers, I’m sure, where I am just not sure whether the whole thing isn’t just a waste of time.

Self-DoubtIMG_4766a

Despite the many strides I have made, there seems to be a lingering doubt as to whether I am simply being self-destructive, or maybe even undertaking some elaborate form of procrastination.

I mean, I put a lot of time and effort into all things Janie. 

Then, sometimes I find myself face to face with the mirror, thinking, “You’re just such a weirdo.  Wouldn’t your time be better spent on something more constructive?  What good can come of this? Stop trying to be something you’re not!”

Who Am I?

The truth is that I don’t know if this is something I am or something I do – and if the latter, whether it is something I ought not to do.IMG_4772a

Before Janie, I lived for decades never ever remotely contemplating any attraction to men, but now I think about it every day.  Have I perverted my own sexuality, or just started to realize it?

I do know that being this girl I am is risky business.  It brings sexual risk, and it brings social risk.  It is often energizing, but sometimes – as now – energy-sapping.

And, to some extent, it does distract me from pursuing challenges that maybe would be more rewarding, but seem somehow more daunting to me.

The Trigger

What seemed to set this latest episode off was a recent tryst.

There I was in all my glory, with my girlfriend and this voluptuous vixen, having the threesome I’d dreamed about as a guy for… well, since puberty… 

You could scarcely imagine a more bodacious body, or more agreeable company, and everything went wonderfully, but after it was all over, there I IMG_4757a was… no happier than I had been before… no exploding stars… no walking on clouds… no sense of accomplishment even.

It’s not every day you check an item off your Bucket-List with a shrug.

Field of Broken Dreams

Maybe it would be different if we did it again, knowing each other a bit better and feeling more comfortable? (I mean, there are so many things to try once you know your partner(s) better.)  Or, maybe it would be different if it were another woman instead?  Or, maybe if I did it as a guy rather than as Jane?  Or maybe if I was just in a different frame of mind?  Maybe it would be better, maybe worse.  I don’t know.

All of this got me wondering how I might feel if and when I am with a man…

I mean, why go to all that trouble to find the right guy, then take the risk of meeting him and the further risk of sleeping with him, if all I’ll end up with is, well… another one of these episodes…

Chin Up, Wilbur!

A girl’s got to know, though.  And there’s only one way to find out for sure, right?

But for now, I am left with lots of questions and few answers.  And, it’s damn depressing. 

Maybe I should take advantage of this time to do some of those things I have been too busy – or too scared – to do for so long…

Viva Las Vegas TGirl Style!

Ok, fans and fanettes! 

Wildside went to Vegas last week and had a blast!  A week later, everyone’s still in recovery mode!

My head is still spinning, and all the massive and continuous stimulation over 7 of the shortest days in my life is still sinking in!

As I have said elsewhere, I’m a happy, happy girl, tired, warm and aglow in the aura of the sinfully fun memories and precious friendships that bless my life now and into the future!

There is some magic in a group that gets along so well, where everyone supports and loves each other, and which has a blow-out blast every day it is together!

Love to everyone who was there!

And, I leave you today with the big one – the Wildside slideshow with most of what I consider to be the best pics.  Enjoy!

 

Portraits from Wildside Vegas

I collected a bunch of photos that are essentially portraits of the Wildside girls.  I think it worked really well with the music.

We are beautiful after all, aren’t we?

Viva Fun

I cannot believe how much fun we had!  …all the usual Vegas vices, ‘cept, interestingly, much gambling!  This is a group that loves one another and knows how to enjoy itself.  Want proof? Watch:  (sorry if it’s a bit Janie-centric at the beginning).

 

Back to Reality

As much as I enjoyed my first Viva Wildside Sin City Soiree, this one blows that experience a mile out of the water!

I am a bit shy, and it takes a bit for me to open up to people.  Last year, I met a bunch of strangers who turned into sweet friends.  This year, I walked into a room of friends and left with real and much deeper connections.

I imagine this experience just gets better – richer – every year…

As with many of my ilk, it is hard for me to find friends with whom to share the wonderful experience of being Janie.  I spend the year relatively alone in that respect, for the most part.

But, walking into the Viva Suite, I am instantly surrounded by people I have now come to love!  I have seven days to revel in their warmth and humor, optimism and energy, incredible generosity and caring, and I try to give at least as much love as I receive.

We come from all over the continent, and sometimes even further, and it is amazing to see how everyone seems to just become part of this supportive, loving group of partying, fun girls.

It may look like it’s all about the dancing and drinking and flirting and more… but every girl will tell you that all those are secondary to the sincere caring that goes on, following on the example of our fearless leaders, Gina and Nikki.

It is something to behold… a spiritual experience!  Look at the faces in the pictures and you will see what I mean…

 

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